Sunday, August 21, 2011

Update

So much has been happening lately. I recently gained my self a wonderful boyfriend who is simply amazing (08/19/2011). Last night he came over and I made him pizza. He brought over a big chunk of his Mexican lime pie, which was absolutely delicious. I'm just so excited about our relationship. The only downside is that we live about 25 minutes away from each other. Whatever. A small price to pay for such a great guy.

Taking Over Me is odd for me. I only manage small bursts of creative energy on occasion. I'm trying to get the new chapter written, but it's proving difficult. My mind is elsewhere. Hopefully within a week I'll have a larger portion of it finished. I expect it to become a little easier, though, because the storyline opens up.

Hope you all are having a great life. If you're having a sullen time or feel your luck won't change, just keep your head above water. Things could always be worse. I've been in some dark places before and I know it's difficult to even consider the idea that things may get better. Yet, here I am today completely happy and content. Things work in funny ways. I made this quote up the other day, which is pretty true to life: dreaming is the only thing that keeps humanity alive. True, no?

-Bobby out-

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Lost

I love my mom and sister. I love them to death. Sometimes, though, I just can't seem to comprehend why. They're nothing short of mentally abusive towards me. One minute we're doing great, the next minute my mom's yelling at me not to add salt to the green beans, or how I ate her goldfish (crackers, lol) that I'm selfish. First, salt isn't all that bad for you in moderation. And second, those fucking goldfish were in the cabinet for a week. I just helped myself. Tonight I ate some of her rocky road ice cream. What a big fucking mistake. I ate a lot of it with the knowledge that I was going to buy her some more. I was depressed from the dinner outburst and needed a fix. So sue me. It's your fucking fault, bitch. If you'd back the fuck up and stop tormenting me I wouldn't need to eat a quarter tub of ice cream. Since February I've lost roughly 40 pounds. I don't know how because my family keeps me constantly stressed out. I'm no good at anything apparently. I can't eat anything in my house because it's claimed by other people even though my shit is free to go around according to them. I can't clean properly. I don't take care of my animals. I'm lazy. I do poorly in school. I can't find a job.

When I look at myself in the mirror sometimes I see a completely useless piece of flesh. And other times, thanks to my own endearment, I see a completely useful piece of flesh. But more often than not, I see it as useless. Thanks, mom, for encouraging me with your harsh words. One day, hopefully soon of course, I'll be gone. Who's going to do your dishes then? Or take out the trash? Or scoop the cat litter? Or clean the kitchen? Or vacuum the carpet? Or polish the furniture? Or cook dinner? Or run errands for you? Or take your daughter to her dentist appointments? Or to school? Or from school?

You'll be sorry, and when that day comes I'm going to be such a better person. I won't ever want to look back.

You've weakened me to the point where I may never recover. But there is always hope. That's the only thing I have left.

-Bobby out-

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

On this joyous occasion, I've decided to write a letter to my lovely mother just to show her how much I appreciate and love her regardless of her feelings towards me. So here we go.

Dear mom,

I'm terribly sorry I'm not the son you'd like me to be. I know I don't have a job and you're forced to pay for my car insurance, gas, and any other expenses that deal with my car that helps move your daughter to her father's shop or her dentist appointments or wherever else she needs to go. My cell phone bill, a whopping $25, is a terrible burden as well. Of course, I used to have AT&T, which cost $40 a month. I switched to the cheaper Virgin Mobile to help take some of the stress off your shoulders. I discontinued my ProActive subscription to help, and also said you could cancel our wireless internet, that I'd be perfectly happy with using DSL. But you insisted we keep that feature.

It warms my heart when you compare me to my dead father, especially when you say "You're an asshole just like your dad." Yeah, I really love it when you compare me to him in such a way
. That really just makes me feel so worthy and appreciated. Just about every night I cook dinner, but somehow that's not good enough. Yes, I do sometimes burn the meat or undercook the chicken slightly, and you always remind me of it. I really appreciate that. I love when our normal conversations turn into you shouting at me. I never feel more loved.

Compared to my sister I'm a flat out loser. She can never do anything wrong. I mean, she doesn't do the dishes-slash-clean the kitchen every single FUCKING day or vacuum once or twice a week or clean the cat litter because one of the cats is hers or take out the trash. But that's okay, because that's what I'm for. Meanwhile, she just sits around watching TV and goes out to play with friends. You're right. She's only fourteen, almost fifteen, years old and that kind of responsibility just can't be placed on her. I only started slavery at the mature age of seven. I had to stay home alone for hours and clean everything, but kids were required to do that in the 90s, right?

Today was especially nice. I bought you a gift, made everyone breakfast, did the dishes yet again. You came home from the store in such a great mood, but then I had to go and make some dip. How could I do such a thing? It didn't taste like your boyfriend could make it and you made sure I knew. I was working your last nerve.

That seems to be happening a lot lately doesn't it? I don't do something right and immediately you become upset with me. The need for me to move out isn't more present. Mark my words I'll be out of your hair soon, mom. Hopefully sometime this year. But don't worry. I'll sometimes call and see how things are going. I'll even give you money to help you out because we're so poor, right? Even though you have plenty of money to buy cigarettes and weed, which just became legal for you because you have a "medical card." If you miss me and things start to fall apart around the house because your lovely daughter doesn't do a fraction of the shit I do, don't worry. You'll figure something out. I'll be long gone, maybe even just down the road. But I'll make sure it feels like hundreds of miles. One day you'll regret being so cold to me. I promise not to rub it in your face. Maybe I'll just let it go or let it smolder inside of me. Who knows? We'll find out soon.

So Happy Mother's Day mom. I love you and hope your day picks up since I've ruined it by making the dip wrong.

Love,

Bobby

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Big Time let down

Last night I had the most incredible dream and it was so simple. Two parts. The first part was kind of scary and I don't remember most of it, so moving on to part two. It involved Kendall from Big Time Rush. He was at my house and was INTERESTED in me, like romantically! :O I was so excited and happy, but at the same time I was desperately scared. Scared that I'd do something he wouldn't like and leave me forever. The dream was pretty fast. First we were in my bedroom just hanging out. I'm almost certain there was some kissing in there somewhere, haha. Then we were on my porch in the evening talking with Logan, James, and Carlos. Somehow, James's package got brought up so he whipped it out. 7 inches cut and large . . . ornaments bahahahahaha Anyways, then Kendall and I were back in my house in the dining room. I spilt something and had to vacuum the mess up. While cleaning I remember worrying if the noise was bugging him. I felt his anxiety. It was a tad weird. But we ended up back in my room with him telling me he likes me for me. We then got ready to go to his hockey game . . . but then cruel reality sank in and I awoke with the most dread I've had in a long time. What a cruel dream, eh? Bastard. It was great while it lasted, though.

-Bobby out-

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Virginia Tech shooting

I created an event on Facebook for this and was surprised to see that people were actually not "attending," even though they could easily give a moment of silence from their homes. It's not like I was throwing a party or something. So I was with two friends last night and I brought up how I didn't understand the non-attenders. They said they wouldn't be attending, either. Um, okay? They said it hasn't affected their lives so why should they. UM, OKAY? 9/11 didn't affect you and you still honor that day. What makes that any different?

"It was an attack against our country." they argued.

"Yeah, but the terrorists were of foreign nature." I shot back. "The shooter was an American [immigrant] who was on an American college campus and killed 32 people, most of whom he saw on a daily basis. The terrorist was American."

They had nothing to say after that. Do you agree? Because it doesn't affect you directly means you can't honor the fallen? The shooting was the second worst in US history. It does NOT matter if it affected you directly or not. You should still honor the fallen. Then they started saying they wouldn't remember and if I wouldn't have said anything it wouldn't have mattered regardless. I'm not going to sit here and lie by saying I've remembered every year, because I haven't. This is the first year I've actually recognized it. Last week I was watching a program on the Columbine shooting, which I'll be commemorating on Wednesday, and I researched it and came across the Virginia Tech massacre. Columbine happened in '99. I was 9 years old. I didn't know it happened. VT happened in '07. I was in 11th grade. My school gave a moment of silence, but after that it was forgotten about by me because, well, I was in the 11th grade!

The point is, you never know when a cowardly madman can come onto campus and starting killing. It could be someone you know, or have seen around campus. Give a moment out of your busy lives to remember the 32 killed exactly four years ago today.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Gay marriage speech

In my speech class I volunteered to give my final speech out on campus. Granted, there was extra credit involved, but I also did it for myself and proud I am. I believe I was the best out of the 9 others. I had the loudest ovation at the end and the most laughter throughout. But what do you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSik18yM8bU

AND by the way, the camera really does add 10 pounds lol I'm also not that short. The uploading format was weird. And my voice is NOT that gay sounding, only through a mic haha

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Anti-GA Campaign

If you're not caught up to speed then take the time to read previous blog posts before reading this one. Now, we all know I was banned from gayauthors.org because I apparently wasn't playing by the rules. Before allowing me to fix the problem they banned me from the site. No chance to correct anything. I was in the middle of a civil conversation and WHAM! Banned. I haven't been able to read any work of my favorite authors being hosted by the bastards at GA. I've been completely cut off.

Tonight I used a different internet connection to access the site only to find that I have been REMOVED from the site now! Completely wiped clean! No trace of brokendreamboi remains except for a few certain posts in the forums. Otherwise I no longer exist on that site. And you know what? I'm perfectly okay with that. If the low lives of GA want to abuse their power, then I say let them. Am I creating too much of a stir? Big whoop. So not only did they not give me a fair chance to correct what was really a minor discrepancy, they had to go and completely remove me from the site. Unfair much?

While on the site tonight I managed to do a little browsing. I found many posts from people in the forums claiming the administrators on GA run the site in their free time, sacrificing their personal lives for the sake of the authors and users.

WOW

Give me a fucking break. Oh yeah, they are SO generous to give us their precious time. I am so grateful that they are just so giving. Their poor family and friends must miss them terribly! If they were having that difficult a time, do you honestly think they'd give two shits about anyone? No. So obviously the "overworked" admin is a load of bullshit. I feel nothing but indignation towards them. I couldn't care less about how much time they spend fixing the site and making sure things are running smoothly. Seems like the only thing with flaws are the people running the site.

I encourage you to refrain from visiting GA. I am in full battle mode here. I am officially and publicly going 110% against gayauthors.org. That site disgusts me and so do the people that run it. I honestly am at a loss for words right now. There isn't anything left to say about GA, except that site needs to be canned.

Do not visit gayauthors.org any longer.

-Bobby out-

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Banned? Oh, please.

Well, either the website is going through "construction" as people call it nowadays or I've officially been banned. I can sign in to gayauthors.org, but received this message: [#1000B] You are not allowed to visit this forum. No matter what I click I receive that message. I can't even sign out. Other people do not have this problem. The new account I created a few minutes ago didn't have this problem. Coincidence? Oh, please. And now there's this hate going on and it's all about me. Pretty soon there will probably be a Facebook page titled 'I'm against brokendreamboi.' LOL If I wanted to be respectful or polite I could simply e-mail someone in charge and askI have a problem logging in, can you help me?

......................................................................

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Okay even *I* couldn't contain my laughter on that one. I have lost appreciation and respect for a lot of people in the past few days. I've been told I haven't been civil nor respectful. But, folks, I've posted every conversation here on my blog concerning the removal of my two stories from GA. I'm hiding nothing, and I don't think I was anything other than frustratedly polite. I was in shock. I was stunned.

Am I pissed off about being possibly banned? Yeah. Hell yeah I'm pissed off. But that will last for about five minutes before I find something better to entertain me. Have I lost anything by being banned? Not really. Nifty has provided me with a glorious posting site, and I also have other websites I post on. I am regretful towards the readers who exclusively read my stuff on GA. Although, my work is still up, or at least most of it is still up, so readers can still read the old stories. It's sad that others have to suffer at the hands of tyranny. Sorry GA readers.

That's all I have to say for now. I'll be posting again . . . within a few days I'm sure. But before I head out of here, I'd like to reinforce something. A Life So Changed and Beautiful Lie aren't free. Everywhere I post I have taken half the stories down and put up a special note. This note runs along the lines of me telling everyone that if they'd like to finish either story they'd have to purchase a book, but if they cannot afford to do that they could simply send me an e-mail and tell me. I'd be MORE than happy to send them a free link, which would provide them with the entire story for FREE. Wait. What? You give out free links? What's the point of even charging then? Well, it's simple really. I like money. I like to make money. I try to make money off two stories. For those that have purchased, or will purchase in the future, one or both of my books, then I am eternally appreciative and grateful. But I understand that the purchase of some trivial items just simply isn't an option for some. So that is why I explain in the note that if they e-mail me I'll give them a free link. I just try to make a little money first. But I'm not the money hungry grub I'm being made out to be. I've lived with little money. I've lived on tight budgets. I still do for Christ's sake. I understand money can be tight and can't be spent freely. Whoa. Doesn't that reinforce what GA is saying? That you just can't make money on their site without purchasing a special package? GA is saying that, but that's not MY case. I don't FORCE the readers to purchase the books. They have the OPTION of EITHER buying OR e-mailing me for the free link. You know, this is starting to piss me off. I'm pissing myself off. How many fucking times do I have to explain this shit? I DON'T FORCE READERS TO BUY THE BOOKS. THEY HAVE THE OPTION OF E-MAILING ME FOR THE FREE LINK. What is so fucking hard to understand about that? And now I've been banned from GA because, what? I stood up to the "administration" for what I feel was a wrongdoing on their part? Really? So, no. My ranting does not justify what GA was trying to shove down my throat. They made it seem like I ONLY gave the readers one option, which would be to purchase my book(s). Maybe if some people weren't lazy they could finish my stories if they'd only take a few minutes out of their busy lives to e-mail me.

Ugh. Okay I HAVE to stop before I rile myself up enough to where I can't fall asleep. I've made my point over and over again. The fact GA can't comprehend the reality of the situation isn't my fault. Assuming I really am banned, they didn't really give me a true chance to fix anything. Hell, before I was "banned" I was still having a private conversation with Myr, or whatever the name is. So my fair chance was thrown away. Nice, right?

OKAY. Now it's enough! lol Good night, everyone.

-Bobby out-

Friday, January 14, 2011

I knew two people in the dream for sure: my best friend Paige and a teenage Owen Wilson who was a mutual best friend. We were on some kind of station far out in the ocean like an oil rig without all the complexity and filth. It was like a vacation. Owen brought a Titanic soundtrack, which Paige and I tried to prevent him from bringing but failed. He also showed us a trick he could do with silver marbles and small red cubes. He could put them in a spiral design without significantly moving them. I don't know, it was weird, haha. The station had a single room similar to a small warehouse. It had large square windows that had pull-down metal covers and a shipping door with the same type of door as the window covers. There was some kind of storm coming in so the three of us and one other person--I think it might've been Paige's ex--took refuge in the lone room. We closed the windows and waited for the storm to pass. But minutes into the hurricane of a storm, water started to rush into the room. Music was playing in the background, like the music in Titanic when the ship starts to lift into the air higher and higher. Suddenly, Owen is thrown into the ocean. I reached out the window and tried to grab him, but the waves, which were somehow shards of ice, scared me into submission. Paige also tried to reach for him. Eventually the storm passed and we failed to rescue Owen. Paige, her ex, and I were then on my street searching for any sign of Owen. I found a small hand towel that Owen liked to carry around. The three of us knew he was gone forever.

Next I was at a racing speedway where drivers of NASCAR were lined on the track standing outside of their cars in a moment of silence for Owen. I left the stands and went onto the track to hug a driver, who was Owen's older brother, I think. He may even have been out in the ocean with us, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, I hugged him and we cried together. Later I was at a party where all my family was in attendance as well as many people I didn't know. I went around saying hi to various people eventually running into one of my grandmas. I explained to her I felt guilty because I could've tried harder to reach Owen. Then we were watching some type of movie which showed what happened out in the ocean and she saw what I was talking about. Then I was talking to Paige and she felt she could've tried harder, too. We talked about how we shouldn't have let him bring the Titanic soundtrack with him and he probably wouldn't have died. I was next in a large, dark-ish living room with two women: one in her twenties and the other much older knitting in her chair. All of a sudden the room went silent. The older woman was gone and the younger started to panic saying she's it again. Her hair became static and the TV started to flicker eerily. I think she was possessed or something. On the floor there were the silver marbles and red cubes like Owen used. They formed the spiral design.

I woke up after that. This dream was really depressing and I can't really figure it out.

-Bobby out-

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

It's happened

I believe I have been banned from gayauthors. I can't get into any section. I keep getting an "error message." Is that what they call unjustified removal nowadays? If I gave two shits about any admin that I've spoken to so far I'd contact them and be like WTF. But I still only give one shit, haha. I'll try going on again in a few days, but be warned everyone. They're only reinforcing the idea that if you stand up to bullies you LOSE. Way to go GA. Way to go.

-Bobby out-